I have been struggling in every aspect of my life for the last several months – anxiety, body image, graduate school, relationships, finances, mental health, and everything else under the sun. This post is by no means a cry for help, I am fine, I promise you. I just feel like I’m going through the motions but its been extremely tougher than usual. And, well, the motions keep coming, in circles, over and over again for months.
And in all of this commotion, I am trying so hard to give myself some grace through baby steps and serious self-care. Not self-soothing – self-care. It requires extra thought and care in working on some of the deeper-seated issues I have in those aspects of my life. There are lots of tears and lots of arguing (with myself and others). But there is also lots of clarity. And even though its sad and its frustrating to take two steps forward and continue to fall back … I am reminded that healing is cyclical. Now, its not an excuse to be a total a-hole, but rather that its okay to fall back a little bit while you progress.
As most of you already know, my husband is currently a Marine recruiter. We’ve finished one year of recruiting duty so far. This has been by far the roughest time we have ever endured as a couple. It is the wildest roller coaster ride and is, without a doubt, one of the biggest factors in this struggle. And through all of my many waves of emotions, he has been as understanding as he possibly can. I can’t forget that although I am going through something, the people around me are also going through their own motions. Something I am actively practicing is looking inward instead of outward. Reflecting instead of pointing fingers. And it is so hard.
But I’m trying, and that’s all I can do. There have been wins and losses during the last several months. I hope throughout the next few years, I am able to process and balance all of these aspects.
I hope that by sharing a little bit about what I’m dealing with reminds you of the process of grieving the parts of you that are gone, healing the parts of you that are hurt, strengthening the parts of you that are weak, and reflecting on the parts of you that make you unique.
Happy Curl, Happy Girl
Curly Island Girl