Category Archives: Uncategorized

Wow

I’m sitting here scrolling through my drafts. Many random thoughts throughout the years that I’m sure i intended to publish… went stale in the drafts folder. It’s been a while. I never got rid of the page, or the domain, cuz I knew one day I’d make my way back.

I don’t know if it’s that time yet, but here we are. What has happened since the last post? I’ve read for fun consistently for over a year, I’ve graduated with my MPA (public admin), I started a new job not in my field, I made a big move to the west coast, I’ve started cognitive behavioral therapy to manage anxiety, I’ve reached out to my PCP to try and get evaluated for inattentive ADHD… there’s a whole list.

When i look back at the posts Ive published since starting this blog, I’m intrigued by my own writing. I don’t even know who that is writing. She sounds pretty damn cool, haha. I still have not refined where I want this blog to land. Idk if it’s meant for something else, idk if it’s even making a difference anywhere. I’m not one or the other. It’s just a place for random thoughts. But without direction, I have no way of moving forward. I think that’s the culprit. Without a set topic, or pathway, i teeter on the maybe I’ll post it, maybe I won’t because it doesn’t apply to the theme. Then I don’t post at all for over two years. And yet, i can’t seem to get rid of the blog or the domain. Being paid for every year and wasting money.

There’s not one thing i think im a SME of. I’m very much someone who dabbles in many different things. Not necessarily educated enough on one topic or the other to claim any sort of real expertise. There are only a few things i absolutely do well. But im no expert at those. Should i write about how im do my own gel nails every 2-3 weeks? Should I write about my attempts at finishing my CNP certificate? Should I write about maybe going back to school? should I write about the book I’m reading right now? It’s really hard to say. I need direction and I wish it were an easy answer…

See ya…. Idk when lol

Happy curl, Happy girl

Signing off,

Your curly island girl

Where I Am Right Now.

I’m sitting here in bed contemplating over what I want to talk about. My brand new tv in the bedroom (thank you to my husband!!!) is making so much noise, but I hate the silence, so it’s gonna stay on. People are droning on and on about what they want in a small home and the AC is humming softly. I’m comfortable and I am content, but I feel like I am on autopilot sometimes. I am missing the one person that I really want to spend all day and night with. My husband is gone for some time and we are currently working through the extreme time difference. He is 18 hours ahead of me, which means we hardly talk. I try my best to stay up late for him to finish work, but I end up falling asleep (and it’s not even a good sleep). I wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning to respond to him and I end up already missing him because he went to sleep. It’s getting tough and some days I feel really alone. I get through half of my day at work and he is just waking up. While he is gone, I am dealing with my own issues. The AC in the living room is leaking over my downstair neighbor’s AC unit. My husband lost his phone in a foreign country and I have to send his replacement to him. I started my flashcards for learning Hawaiian, but I haven’t touched it in three days. My inconsistency in blogging makes me feel really bad. The skin on my face is freaking out from the heat and lack of hydration (the latter is entirely my fault). I keep spending money when I know I shouldn’t. My lack of motivation to be social is pretty sad and overwhelming.

 

But,

the bills are being paid. My friend is not leaving the agency I work for (I am so happy about this). I get to talk to my husband, at least once a day, and I have other friends who do not get this opportunity with their deployed significant others. I set-up an eye doctor appointment after living here for almost a year. I am actively working on getting a dentist appointment set-up. I have a home. I have a car. I am able to sleep (I do not have insomnia, but my husband does, and it really drains him). My family is visiting for a reunion in several days. My sister will be joining me soon to start her new journey in grad school.

 

I have so many things to be happy about. I am truly blessed and need to find the time to self-reflect on all the things I do have rather than what I am missing. I know my sadness and emotions are valid though. I know I can feel the way I want to with the situations that I am in. I have lots of anxiety doing things on my own and one day I hope to work through all of that. I have the support I need to keep pushing through, and that’s what really matters. This is where I am right now.

Where are you at in your life? What do you need to self-reflect on?

 

Happy Curl, Happy Girl

Signing off,

Your Curly Island Girl